


i'm right here beside you

by nevershootamockingbird



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Ep 115 spoilers, F/M, Family Feels, Gen, Post-Canon, Post-Series, canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 11:32:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14260050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevershootamockingbird/pseuds/nevershootamockingbird
Summary: Time won’t heal all wounds. She imagines both family and love will help her learn to cope with the scars.





	i'm right here beside you

**Author's Note:**

> As a twin, Vex and Vax's relationship is so incredibly important to me. I initially just set out write a sweet little Perc'ahlia moment and instead my brain decided to attack me with this instead. So here! Have Vex and some quiet conversations about love, loss, and moving on (or trying to). 
> 
> I hope that you enjoy!

Getting to the bench is a little bit harder, these days.

Vex huffs when she has to stop again, leaning her weight into Trinket next to her. He twists his head with a soft grumble, nose nudging against her stomach to check in with her. Vex sighs at his mournful stare, rubs a hand over his muzzle soothingly.

“I’m alright, buddy. You know Pike said exercise is good for me,” she tells him, scratching at the soft fur between his eyes, and Trinket grumbles again but nudges into the attention. He waits patiently until she catches her breath and pushes back off of him, lumbering forward once she starts to walk again. She keeps one hand threaded through his fur, glancing up at the cloudy sky peeking through the trees.

It’s quiet, for once. She imagines the quiet days will be much more rare, soon.

She collapses down onto the bench when they finally reach it, chest heaving, and Vex rests a hand on her stomach as she feels a kick. She groans, looking down at the bump that always seems to be in the way; it never gets less strange, just how much her body has changed in the last eight months.

“Darling, please, I love you so much, I just need you to be still for a little.” Vex rubs her hand over her stomach, cradling the underside as she sits forward slightly. She smiles slowly, glancing over at where Trinket has settled on the leaves next to her, head resting on his paws. “Can you believe there’s a baby in here, buddy?”

He lifts his head, sniffing and nudging her knee with his nose before settling back down. Vex looks back down at her stomach, smile fading as she thinks. Her heartbeat has slowed back to normal by the time she senses a presence on the other side of the bench.

The raven is staring at her when she looks over, something caught in its beak. Vex smiles shakily, holding her free hand out. She ignores the tears pricking at her eyes when the bird hops closer, drops a bead into her gloved palm.

“Thank you, Vax,” she says softly, fingers curling slowly around the bead. She tucks it away into a pocket, blinking rapidly to clear her vision. When Vex looks over again she finds that he’s hopped closer, head tipping up to look at her, back down to look at her stomach, a steady rhythm. She laughs softly, gently stroking her fingers down his glossy feathers. He preens, ruffles his wings slightly before settling them again, croaking quietly.

Vex can’t stop the tears, this time.

“Did you know,” she starts, lifting her hand wipe at her cheeks. She sniffles, hiccups around a laugh and shakes her head, smoothing her other hand over her stomach. The raven croaks again, almost mournful sounding, hops close enough to press against her thigh. She glances up before looking back down, trying again, “Did you know, we’re going to name the baby after you, whatever the gender? I don’t remember if I already told you, I’m sorry. I feel as though I’ve gotten quite forgetful, these last few months. Zahra says that she was, too, near the end, so I guess that’s normal.”

“It’s so weird, though, you know I always had such a good memory. But Keyleth’s been so helpful like that, reminding me so much when I can’t remember.” She smiles, strokes fingers over the raven’s back again. “You know that already, I suppose. You’re always around when she is.”

The raven-- well, her brother, maybe, nudges his head against her stomach, uses his beak to tug at one of the buttons on her coat. Vex laughs, ignores the tears rolling down her cheek, and gently flicks at him until he lets go. She doesn’t know if ravens can laugh, but she’s sure that he is.

“I miss you so much, Vax. I keep waiting for it to get easier, but it hasn’t yet,” she admits, swallowing hard as the laughter leaves her. She looks down at her stomach, strokes the bump gently. “And this child is going to grow up without you, and so are all the rest, if there are more, and I-- I don’t know how to do this with you not at my side.”

The rest of her words are lost as her throat closes up, as the grief chokes her, and Vex hunches over as she begins to sob. She hears Trinket move closer, feels his comforting presence in front of her and blindly reaches out. He lets out a low groan, and then there’s a heavy weight on her shoulder, fur brushing against her ear and cheek. Vex turns her face to the side, eyes screwed shut tight as she cries into Trinket’s neck, both hands clutching at his fur.

The forest’s silence is broken only by her muffled sobs, harsh and uncontrollable.

Vex aches.

The tears run out, eventually, at least for a little while. Vex fishes around her pockets for a hankerchief, wipes at her face even though most of the mess is on Trinket’s fur, wet and matted. She rubs his ears and smiles shakily, apology on her tongue, but he just licks her wrist, eyes worried.

“I’m okay, buddy, promise.” He grunts and licks her wrist again, and Vex can’t help the laugh at the rather disbelieving look he gives her then. “Alright, alright, maybe not now, but I will be. Thank you, Trinket.”

He leans in closer, ducking to bump his forehead gently against hers, then takes a few steps away to flop back down into the leaves. Vex wipes at her cheeks again before tucking the handkerchief away, both hands falling to rest on her stomach. There’s a gentle kick as soon as she touches it, and Vex grins, looks back to her left.

The raven still sits there, looking up at her with familiar eyes.

“That’s little Vax in there, brother,” she tells him, and the raven hops closer, pressing his head against her stomach. There’s another kick as soon as he does, and the raven caws loudly, ruffling his feathers and peering back up at her. Vex smiles again, lifting one of her hands off her belly to stroke down his inky feathers. “Thank you for meeting me. Always know when I really need you, don’t you?”

He lets out another gentle croak, and Vex is content to stay like that for some time, stroking her stomach and staring up at the sky. The breeze picks up, strands of hair pulling from her braid; it’s often messy these days. She feels a gentle pressure against her belly, and glances down to see the raven resting his head there. The large bird stays still for a moment before a kick dislodges its head, and then he lets out what Vex swears is a cackle, ruffles his feathers, and shoots up into the air.

She watches him circle once, twice, three times before he veers off, heading back towards the castle. She follows him as he cuts down through the trees, and Vex laughs loudly as she watches him swoop down suddenly, grazing over the head of an approaching figure. There’s loud cursing and some insults tossed the bird’s way, but they’re spoken fondly, and Vex is still smiling when her husband reaches her.

“Hello, dear. So glad to see I didn’t miss our brother.” Percy’s tone is dry, but there’s a smile on his face and Vex knows he means it. She leans in as soon as he’s sat next to her, grins and rests her head on his shoulder when he wraps his arm around her. “Did you have a nice talk?”

“We did, thank you, darling,” she tells him, letting her eyes shut against the gray sunlight. Percy hums acknowledgement, pulling her a little closer and kissing the top of her head. Vex settles her free hand on his thigh and sighs heavily, relaxing into her husband. “I really fucking miss him today. I keep waiting for it to fade, but it never really does.”

“No, it doesn’t. It won’t, not for a while, if it ever does.” Percy’s voice is steady, warm, and Vex opens her eyes when she feels his other hand rest on her stomach. He continues, “It’s just something you learn to live with, really. Some days will be better, but the hurt will always be there. I wish I could tell you differently, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be, please.” She squeezes his thigh and slides her other hand over, lacing their fingers together over her stomach. Vex smiles, nudges her head up gently until Percy presses another kiss to her hair. “Thank you for being honest.”

“I am always going to be with you.” He laughs as soon as the words are out of his mouth, and Vex finally lifts her head, arching an eyebrow at him. Percy grins and shakes his head, arm tightening around her shoulders. “I just realized that it might be very hard to ever surprise you, is all.”

Vex laughs with him, leaning back in and squeezing his thigh. They both look down when there’s a kick against their entwined hands, and Vex feels her breath catch. Percy sighs next to her, his thumb rubbing over her stomach idly.

“Hello, love. We’re very excited to meet you,” he says, soft and eager, and Vex feels her throat close up a little, eyes stinging. She smiles, turning her head back to kiss Percival’s cheek.

“Care to help me up? I think I’d like to go home, now.” Vex kisses his cheek again before leaning back, smile widening. “I am starving, and little Vax wants chocolate. Like, a lot of it.”

Percy laughs and drops his arm down to her waist, other hand coming up to grip under her elbow. Together they get her standing, and Vex straightens fully with a wince, feels her spine pop and crack as she does. Percy hums soothingly, kissing her temple before tucking her hand into the crook of his arm.

“Alright?” He asks, squeezing her hand gently, and he looks so adoring that Vex has to curl her other hand in the collar of his coat and drag him down to kiss him soundly.

They don’t part for a very long time.

When Percy finally does straighten up, face flushed and eyes sparking with delight, Vex almost pulls him right back down to her. She settles for squeezing his arm instead, other hand dropping away from his coat to rest under her prominent stomach.

“Why, Lady de Rolo,” he starts, and Vex grins as he begins to slowly walk them towards the path. She glances to her right to make sure Trinket is up as he continues, “that would be cause for scandal in front of the wrong company.”

“Well, Lord de Rolo, I certainly hope to scandalize people with you for a very long time.” Vex smiles slyly up at him as she says this, leaning a little heavier into Percy’s side. Her husband looks down at her with a brilliant grin, free hand coming up to cover her own where it’s still curled into his arm.

“I was so hoping you’d say that, dear,” Percy tells her, and Vex feels her heart skip a beat. She leans her head against his shoulder as they continue on, Trinket lumbering slowly on her other side.

The forest is quiet, and Vex shuts her eyes for a moment, trusts Percy to keep her on the right path. She thinks about her brother, and how he isn’t here, but how maybe he never really left.

She hears a raven’s piercing call in the distance, feels a gentle kick under her hand, and opens her eyes. Percy is steady next to her, Trinket solid at her side, and their family is set to arrive in a few hours.

Vex thinks about the child inside of her, who she will teach to speak to ravens like friends, who will grow up never doubting if they are wanted or loved, who will grow up without their namesake, who will listen to stories from aunts and uncles to learn about him anyway. Vex thinks about Vax, her brother, and Vax, her child, and how one will not be a replacement for the other.

Vex thinks about family and love, and how her child is coming into a world where they will know an abundance of both. She smiles, and for a moment she swears she can see her brother walking just ahead, turning to grin at her, no lines of sadness on his face.

Time won’t heal all wounds. She imagines both family and love will help her learn to cope with the scars.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really happy with how this turned out! Thank you so much for reading this, I hope that you enjoyed it. These characters mean a lot to me, their relationships mean a lot to me, and hopefully I did them justice.
> 
> Fun fact! I was looking for title inspo and found the song "My Best Friend" by Weezer on Liam's last Vax playlist, and misread the line "I'm here right beside you" as "I'm right here beside you" and that just stuck instead. 
> 
> You can find me over on [tumblr](https://nevershootamockingbird.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/daleytwin1) if you feel like yelling with me about these lovely characters!


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